I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I need to align my fucking chakras
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
