Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
