apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
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