got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
