But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.