I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
two words: eviction party
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.