right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days