Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
