remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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