we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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