I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You can't special order awesome
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
