You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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