What did we do last night that was yellow?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
