With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
