and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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