Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
