Nicole vs. Life
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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