she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
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Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
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I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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