His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
