i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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