Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
this just has baby written all over it
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
