Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
