im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
