Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
