ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
