I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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