Fine. I'll sleep in my office
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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