"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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