I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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