where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
