We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
