Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
