i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
