Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
