we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
