Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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