She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
