hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize