All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
