i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
