they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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