Nicole vs. Life
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
