when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
