i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
