I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
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Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
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I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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