i just wanna soil my oats bro
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
