9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
