just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
