At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
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So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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