a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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