At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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