My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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