ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
