If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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