How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
