Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
