remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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