I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
