saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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