Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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