Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So squirting runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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