We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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