sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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