I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
