that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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