Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
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you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
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Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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