Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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