I faked an abortion last night.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
